"walked down to the corner store just before nightfall in my bare feet; black tarry asphalt, soft and hot."
[ "You or Your Memory" - The Mountain Goats ]
i don't really have the foresight to plan this "series" out or anything of the sort. even further confounding is whenever i sit down to talk about marriage, i honestly cannot stop thinking about the priest in The Princess Bride: "mawwiage... mawwiage is wot bwings us togetha today. "
right, onward.
i think husband and wife should sleep together. no, not in the "biblical sense" (although they definitely should! sex keeps a marriage healthy, happy, and intimate). i mean share the same bed. there is little else more comforting (and more soothing to insomnia) than having a body next to you, or in your arms, or an arm draped over you, or being wedged against, or what have you. mankind was not meant to sleep alone in general, i think; this is contrary to our desire and NEED for companionship, intimacy, physical contact. it gives an excellent feeling of security and general closeness.
one of my friends said she'd like to pray for her husband with her hand on his heart every morning. this is something i think every wife should do. this is something i want my wife (eem yirtze Hashem) to do for me.
for the husbands, i think they should take the time to romance their wife and spend time in the Spirit together- they should press their foreheads together and give thanks and praise to G-d. a man should pray for his wife as he holds her hand in the dark and sing her soft lullabies. he should pray for her when they're swinging on the swings at a playground together (because a couple should never lose childlike wonder). he should spell out cute nicknames for her and then wink at her as they play scrabble together. they should pray together when they have money troubles, and then go for a walk hand-in-hand and sing joyous songs. they should, climate permitting, have snowball fights. they should do the dishes together (one washes, the other dries). they should cook together.
but most of all, strangers should be able to see them and KNOW they are husband and wife, and in love with each other and G-d.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
My entire life my parents have slept on seperate floor levels. It always angered me. My mom tried everything to get my dad to join her in bed. Their marriage was horrible in the olden days and now it's just out of habit that it continues (with my father sleeping on the couch). I call my parents' bedroom "Mom's room" since my dad only goes in there to change his clothes.
ReplyDeleteBecause it angered/angers me so much that my father is too lazy to make his way to sleep with his wife, I made it very clear that I never want to have that in my marriage at all. Rob and I go to bed together at the same time to sleep next to one another. . no seperate rooms or floors, etc.
I remember we had a major valid argument three years ago and Rob decided to sleep on the couch. . .so I took the other couch and pushed it up against his. We slept next to each other angered on seperate couches but still next to one another(which is probably the only major fight we had ever had and I did a LOT of wrong to deserve it). The next day or two Rob told me he was glad I did what I did with the couches. . because he did what he did on purpose to make me upset, knowing how I feel on not sleeping together in marriage in the non-sexual sense.
I think married couples should pray with one another in general and for each other always.
thank you for sharing that, victoria. that was really a wonderful thing to read that.
ReplyDeletemy parents haven't slept in the same bad for.. ten years? longer, perhaps. my mom kicked him downstairs because he snores.
i snore too, and i've been horrified that my wife would do the same to me. it'd break my heart a little each night. because of this, i'm horribly insecure of my snoring- to the point that i feel like it'd be an obstacle for any woman who might want to marry me. it's very silly seeing it written down, but it's in my head nonetheless.
and agreed. married couples should pray for each other as much as possible!
and by "bad" i mean "bed". HAH.
ReplyDeletethat is a very bad reason to kick someone out of the marriage bed!!! Rob doesn't snore (if he does I don't notice) but honestly. . my dad snores and my mom bought ear plugs for if he were to ever go to bed with her. She just wishes he would go so badly. She feels like it's a type of punishment she is receiving even though she did nothing wrong to deserve it. She's an amazing wife. so yeah. . .have you ever spoken up to your mother about how you feel on that matter? I know I've asked my father (even as a little girl) to please go to bed. I used to have friends come over and state that we were going to be watching old movies or anime all night or something and that my father needs to go to bed and to not make a fuss so they wouldn't know. . . it worked but took a few arguments here and there. I am a relentless and persistent person. haha. but still that was only a few times out of the million of nights he wouldn't sleep with my mom. my brothers and I used to joke that our parents only ever had intimacy between them 4 times to make the three of us plus the miscarriage my mom had. HAHA. that's really sad!!!!!
ReplyDeletei don't even want to think of my parents' intimacy, ewww! hehe.
ReplyDeletebut yeah, i've brought it up once or twice. my mom's a really assertive? aggressive? personality, and my dad's is pretty passive, so nothing really changes. plus after doing it after so many years, you know... i feel like they'd grow in their closeness and intimacy (ewwww. haha) if they would share the same bed but.. eh.
that sounds like a joke my sister and i would make though, because our parents aren't really big on any form of PDA either. heh
i'm just really glad that you are so involved on this little blog of mine! it's so great to get a young married woman's perspective. if rob ever logs into the account, he should maybe give a read and post as well!
I GOT YOUR CHRISTMAS THING IN THE POST by the way! oh my GOODNESS is leto so adorable.
you're welcome (about the christmas picture and newsletter sent to you).
ReplyDeletehaha see I get all happy thinking if my parents get romantic and sweet and intimate with each other. They are married. It's a beauitulf thing. I guess because I saw such horrible things in the earlier half of their marriage, I get really happy for them now. I don't want details though!! haha. My mom is hilarious with some of the random things that come out of her mouth though with TRYING to lure him in. . she is never nasty or anything. cute little comments that make me laugh. haha.
Rob does have access to my blog and was saying how he wants to write an entry every so often (since it IS the Tiedemann Tribe). I should inform him about your blog so hopefully he will come check up on it and write a comment. He is such a troll though!!!! haha.
I am a feedback queen. I don't really like reading things that people write WITHOUT leaving them a comment. They take the time to write it, so I can take a little time to respond right? at least that is how I feel on things.
I'm trying not to be such a troll, it's more a problem on message boards I guess . . . anyway . . . yeah I think my son is pretty adorable too.
ReplyDeleteMy parents were always in the same bed and they were always good with PDA stuff. The only thing my parents ever did that I had problems with was they fought a lot about really stupid things. Basically I agree with what the two of you have already said. I'll just say that sometimes practicing these things can be a little more difficult than we expect.