"walked down to the corner store just before nightfall in my bare feet; black tarry asphalt, soft and hot."
[ "You or Your Memory" - The Mountain Goats ]
i don't really have the foresight to plan this "series" out or anything of the sort. even further confounding is whenever i sit down to talk about marriage, i honestly cannot stop thinking about the priest in The Princess Bride: "mawwiage... mawwiage is wot bwings us togetha today. "
right, onward.
i think husband and wife should sleep together. no, not in the "biblical sense" (although they definitely should! sex keeps a marriage healthy, happy, and intimate). i mean share the same bed. there is little else more comforting (and more soothing to insomnia) than having a body next to you, or in your arms, or an arm draped over you, or being wedged against, or what have you. mankind was not meant to sleep alone in general, i think; this is contrary to our desire and NEED for companionship, intimacy, physical contact. it gives an excellent feeling of security and general closeness.
one of my friends said she'd like to pray for her husband with her hand on his heart every morning. this is something i think every wife should do. this is something i want my wife (eem yirtze Hashem) to do for me.
for the husbands, i think they should take the time to romance their wife and spend time in the Spirit together- they should press their foreheads together and give thanks and praise to G-d. a man should pray for his wife as he holds her hand in the dark and sing her soft lullabies. he should pray for her when they're swinging on the swings at a playground together (because a couple should never lose childlike wonder). he should spell out cute nicknames for her and then wink at her as they play scrabble together. they should pray together when they have money troubles, and then go for a walk hand-in-hand and sing joyous songs. they should, climate permitting, have snowball fights. they should do the dishes together (one washes, the other dries). they should cook together.
but most of all, strangers should be able to see them and KNOW they are husband and wife, and in love with each other and G-d.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
01 January 2009
30 December 2008
"i'll always be by your side, even when you're down and out"
[ "By Your Side" - CocoRosie ]
so i've been meaning to get to this for the past four days or so but i've been foolishly putting it off due to whatever sort of excuse i have at the moment- work, fatigue, what have you. i'm quite sleepy at the moment, so i apologize beforehand if it's a bit unintelligible. :) it will, regrettably, be nowhere near comprehensive or complete so i'm really hoping to see some discussion on this.
i've been meaning to write something on Ephesians 5.
G-d is so good. that's a good way to start.
there are five basic sections to Eph. 5:
-Summary
-Commandment/Warning
-Ascension
-Methodology/Road Map
-Dedication (three parts- general, wives, and husbands)
(all citations from NIV unless otherwise specified)
SUMMARY
"1Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
Ephesians 5:1-2
it's probably a bit odd to START a section with a summary, but there's a good reason. in biblical text, it's common practice to provide a sort of "thesis statement"- start with a statement on what should be and why/how it is done. that's not to say you can just read the first couple verses in a chapter or a stanza of a chaper and go "k done, got it"; rather, it's meant to give you an idea of what to expect. to use an analogy, it's like looking at a google maps satellite view of a place before you go there so you can know what to expect and how to prepare for it, and where it is in relation to where you are. as it should be incredibly painfully obvious to anyone who's even actually read the Bible, the biggest message of it is love. the entire core behind our existence, and the gospel of Y'shua Moshiach[1]
COMMANDMENT/WARNING
"3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7Therefore do not be partners with them."
Ephesians 5:3-7
nobody likes being told what to do. nobody likes being told they're wrong. myself included. as i read through this section, it's a cold, harsh, and loving (weird to see those words together, isn't it?) reminder of how short i fall. i am an impure, immoral, greedy person. boy, am i! i make plenty of coarse and obscene jokes, i have been known to cuss like a sailor, however, we are not to dwell on our shortcomings but rather meditate on the hope and freedom we have in Christ. further examining this, however, there's something really rather strange, exciting and new- it is the shephard warning the flock about the wolves. take special notice of the last two verses- G-d is straight up telling us "hey! there are people out there who want to- and will try very hard to- break you, lie to you, cheat you, steal from you, ruin your life! do not give trust to those outside of Me easily if at all." it's a pretty intense statement. can you imagine never being able to trust anyone who was outside of the true Spirit of the L-rd Almighty? your life would be changed radically. there is, between the lines, a reminder here as well- love others. just because someone does not have your blind faith in them or your unfaltering trust does not mean you cannot love them- in fact, sometimes it gets easier to love them. when someone breaks your trust, it's most certainly harmful (or at least makes an impact upon) their readiness to love you. imagine how hurt Hashem must be! we lie to His face boldly and loudly, yet He already knows the truth. yet His love is so perfect and so unending that there is always grace, there is always hope, and forgiveness is always available for the repentant heart. only by the Spirit, i was reminded by an amazing friend of mine recently, can we ever hope to be able to offer the same amount of true love.
ASCENSION
"8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10and find out what pleases the Lord. 11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:
'Wake up, O sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.'"
Ephesians 5:8-14
this is really a pretty self-explanatory part; it's calling us to be higher than the imperfect beings we are (and again, we can only do this by the grace of G-d and by the Holy Spirit alive within us).
METHODOLOGY/ROAD MAP
"15Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. 18Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. 19Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."
Ephesians 5:15-20
again, totally self-explanatory. G-d is saying "and THIS is how you can do what i want you to do above (ascend above the crap of the world)." by being in the Spirit with one another, and lifting each other up to Him. speak in scripture and words that bring glory to G-d. celebrate every chance you get- every single second you are alive is a gift from G-d and we all too often forget that "these lives are not our own"; we are only stewards not only of this planet but of ourSELVES, our bodies AND our lives. and, of course, there's the roadmap of being drunk on His Holy Spirit as opposed to wine (or in my case, dirty tennessee whiskey). ;) not too much to say there, except when you're immersed in the Holy Spirit, life can throw whatever it wants at you and it does not matter in the least because you know G-d is in control, and you're in tune and desire what He desires so everything else- insurance, job/money in general/finances, relationships, etc. they all have no power over you. it's really a wonderful thing.
DEDICATION
GENERAL
"21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Ephesians 5:21
because we are all belonging to G-d and not of our own selves, we are at the mercy and whim of His desire. here, he commands us to be in submission to one another in reverence to Y'shua. why? Y'shua lived his live in service to others through the will and gifts of the Holy Spirit- through love for them and love for G-d.
WIVES
"22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
Ephesians 5:22-24
i have a LOT to say on marriage- i've seen a LOT of marriages be hurt and damaged, and i've seen a handful that work the way they ought and keep love alive in each other by, through, and alongside love of G-d. this isn't going to be an entry on that. oh, believe me, that's DEFINITELY coming, but that will most likely be a doozy of one and i'll very likely need to make it a multi-part series which very most likely won't ever see an end because it's an incredibly vast, large, and involved subject which i have been blessed with wisdom on through others. you don't have to be married to know how marriages work, you just need to listen and watch. :)
what i AM going to focus on part is the concept of submission and respect as it's talked about in the last parts of Ephesians 5. it's a very, very controversial topic, as anyone can tell you). feminism is about equality, not about the feminine gender having MORE power/control/importance or the masculine gender having more submission than the feminine one, etc. (so take THAT and stick it and your SCUMM manifesto up your tailpipe, valerie solanas!)
that being said, at first glance this looks HUGELY imbalanced! but let's take a look at the New Living Translation for a bit of a more in-depth and modern contextual adaptation:
"22For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything."
Ephesians 5:22-24 NLT
take note here, it doesn't imply that the man is the center in the relationship. rather, it implies the strong anchor of the relationship between both husband/wife AND couple/G-d should be on the shoulders of the husband, and should be followed by the efforts of the wife. notice, also, that it only mentions man and wife and NOT man/woman. marriage is when two become one single entity- in a Christ-centered marriage, it is literally impossible for one to be greater than the other since they provide for, care for, and love each other by the grace and through G-d.
a simple example here would be sally and joe are married. joe has just been laid off, and has heard G-d calling him to move to a different state. sally, however, does not want to move; she's fond of this state for whatever reason(s)- friends, food, history, nostalgia, whatever. instead of praying and listening for G-d's will (she should be praying with her husband through this) she instead starts an argument, becomes defensive, etc.
this is a prime example of NOT submitting in the biblical context.
submission also largely depends on her husband, as well (women of the L-rd: don't yoke yourself to someone you wouldn't trust to submit to!). for instance, i personally would be pretty conservative in my requests of my wife. more on that later, though.
interestingly/alternatively, this had a lot of defenses of a more traditional viewpoint, all of which i felt were at the very least definitely important things to think about. i may not agree with all of the defenses, but it definitely provides a lot of good reasons why a more traditional stance is valid.
i know of at least one person who reads this in a Christ-centered marriage and i'd really love to get her comments on the whole topic of submission, so keep an eye out in the comments section on that.
HUSBANDS
"25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[c] 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
Ephesians 5:25-33
whew! and you thought the women had it rough with submission!
the main thing here, i think, is that Christ gave EVERYTHING for His Church (that's Church, not church- as in the community of believers, not the building/denomination). husbands, if you aren't prepared for that sacrifice for your wives, well... you're in trouble. :) it's important for husbands to define roles, and most of all to be creative with new ways on how to bring the family together both to each other and to G-d.
i think of it this way- the husbands are the heads, and the wives are the shoulders/neck. the heads NEED the shoulders/neck for support and a base- a head without shoulders or a neck is really not much to brag about. likewise, with no head the shoulders/neck have no direction and doesn't know which way to turn the body. i really feel that analogy sums up what i'm attempting to explain and failing miserably at.
it warns husbands to love and cherish and be prepared to sacrifice for your wives, i think that has a direct result on the types of requests and expectations you'd make of your wife.
i think i can really sum up the requests of my wife's submission in a couple basic things:
1. love the L-rd our G-d before me. always.
2. love no other (hu)man before me/no infidelity (well, if we had children, that'd be a bit of a grey area obviously. ;) it's definitely a different kind of love and a very important kind of love, so that kind of disqualifies itself from this one)
3. equal involvement in chores/children/each other etc.
4. if you doubt, pray with me and talk it through. i vow to listen to your concerns, and you must vow to listen to my concerns.
that's really pretty much all there is to what i'd ask my wife to submit to. not really that big a deal, pretty standard i'd think.
it is now 0630, i'm exhausted, and i was supposed to have this posted days ago. so i'm drawing it to a close here and super-hoping for discussion to continue in the comments section.
peace, love, joy, and wisdom in your life eem yirtze Hashem.
baruch Hashem; amen.
[a] Ephesians 5:5 Or kingdom of the Christ and God
[b] Ephesians 5:26 Or having cleansed
[c] Ephesians 5:31 Gen. 2:24
[1] hebrew, "Jesus Christ"- Christ is, contrary to popular belief, NOT a last name but rather a title. from the greek Khristos, literally meaning "the Anointed One", it means Saviour. the hebrew word for Saviour is Moshiach- "Messiah".
so i've been meaning to get to this for the past four days or so but i've been foolishly putting it off due to whatever sort of excuse i have at the moment- work, fatigue, what have you. i'm quite sleepy at the moment, so i apologize beforehand if it's a bit unintelligible. :) it will, regrettably, be nowhere near comprehensive or complete so i'm really hoping to see some discussion on this.
i've been meaning to write something on Ephesians 5.
G-d is so good. that's a good way to start.
there are five basic sections to Eph. 5:
-Summary
-Commandment/Warning
-Ascension
-Methodology/Road Map
-Dedication (three parts- general, wives, and husbands)
(all citations from NIV unless otherwise specified)
SUMMARY
"1Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
Ephesians 5:1-2
it's probably a bit odd to START a section with a summary, but there's a good reason. in biblical text, it's common practice to provide a sort of "thesis statement"- start with a statement on what should be and why/how it is done. that's not to say you can just read the first couple verses in a chapter or a stanza of a chaper and go "k done, got it"; rather, it's meant to give you an idea of what to expect. to use an analogy, it's like looking at a google maps satellite view of a place before you go there so you can know what to expect and how to prepare for it, and where it is in relation to where you are. as it should be incredibly painfully obvious to anyone who's even actually read the Bible, the biggest message of it is love. the entire core behind our existence, and the gospel of Y'shua Moshiach[1]
COMMANDMENT/WARNING
"3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7Therefore do not be partners with them."
Ephesians 5:3-7
nobody likes being told what to do. nobody likes being told they're wrong. myself included. as i read through this section, it's a cold, harsh, and loving (weird to see those words together, isn't it?) reminder of how short i fall. i am an impure, immoral, greedy person. boy, am i! i make plenty of coarse and obscene jokes, i have been known to cuss like a sailor, however, we are not to dwell on our shortcomings but rather meditate on the hope and freedom we have in Christ. further examining this, however, there's something really rather strange, exciting and new- it is the shephard warning the flock about the wolves. take special notice of the last two verses- G-d is straight up telling us "hey! there are people out there who want to- and will try very hard to- break you, lie to you, cheat you, steal from you, ruin your life! do not give trust to those outside of Me easily if at all." it's a pretty intense statement. can you imagine never being able to trust anyone who was outside of the true Spirit of the L-rd Almighty? your life would be changed radically. there is, between the lines, a reminder here as well- love others. just because someone does not have your blind faith in them or your unfaltering trust does not mean you cannot love them- in fact, sometimes it gets easier to love them. when someone breaks your trust, it's most certainly harmful (or at least makes an impact upon) their readiness to love you. imagine how hurt Hashem must be! we lie to His face boldly and loudly, yet He already knows the truth. yet His love is so perfect and so unending that there is always grace, there is always hope, and forgiveness is always available for the repentant heart. only by the Spirit, i was reminded by an amazing friend of mine recently, can we ever hope to be able to offer the same amount of true love.
ASCENSION
"8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10and find out what pleases the Lord. 11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:
'Wake up, O sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.'"
Ephesians 5:8-14
this is really a pretty self-explanatory part; it's calling us to be higher than the imperfect beings we are (and again, we can only do this by the grace of G-d and by the Holy Spirit alive within us).
METHODOLOGY/ROAD MAP
"15Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. 18Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. 19Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."
Ephesians 5:15-20
again, totally self-explanatory. G-d is saying "and THIS is how you can do what i want you to do above (ascend above the crap of the world)." by being in the Spirit with one another, and lifting each other up to Him. speak in scripture and words that bring glory to G-d. celebrate every chance you get- every single second you are alive is a gift from G-d and we all too often forget that "these lives are not our own"; we are only stewards not only of this planet but of ourSELVES, our bodies AND our lives. and, of course, there's the roadmap of being drunk on His Holy Spirit as opposed to wine (or in my case, dirty tennessee whiskey). ;) not too much to say there, except when you're immersed in the Holy Spirit, life can throw whatever it wants at you and it does not matter in the least because you know G-d is in control, and you're in tune and desire what He desires so everything else- insurance, job/money in general/finances, relationships, etc. they all have no power over you. it's really a wonderful thing.
DEDICATION
GENERAL
"21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Ephesians 5:21
because we are all belonging to G-d and not of our own selves, we are at the mercy and whim of His desire. here, he commands us to be in submission to one another in reverence to Y'shua. why? Y'shua lived his live in service to others through the will and gifts of the Holy Spirit- through love for them and love for G-d.
WIVES
"22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
Ephesians 5:22-24
i have a LOT to say on marriage- i've seen a LOT of marriages be hurt and damaged, and i've seen a handful that work the way they ought and keep love alive in each other by, through, and alongside love of G-d. this isn't going to be an entry on that. oh, believe me, that's DEFINITELY coming, but that will most likely be a doozy of one and i'll very likely need to make it a multi-part series which very most likely won't ever see an end because it's an incredibly vast, large, and involved subject which i have been blessed with wisdom on through others. you don't have to be married to know how marriages work, you just need to listen and watch. :)
what i AM going to focus on part is the concept of submission and respect as it's talked about in the last parts of Ephesians 5. it's a very, very controversial topic, as anyone can tell you). feminism is about equality, not about the feminine gender having MORE power/control/importance or the masculine gender having more submission than the feminine one, etc. (so take THAT and stick it and your SCUMM manifesto up your tailpipe, valerie solanas!)
that being said, at first glance this looks HUGELY imbalanced! but let's take a look at the New Living Translation for a bit of a more in-depth and modern contextual adaptation:
"22For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything."
Ephesians 5:22-24 NLT
take note here, it doesn't imply that the man is the center in the relationship. rather, it implies the strong anchor of the relationship between both husband/wife AND couple/G-d should be on the shoulders of the husband, and should be followed by the efforts of the wife. notice, also, that it only mentions man and wife and NOT man/woman. marriage is when two become one single entity- in a Christ-centered marriage, it is literally impossible for one to be greater than the other since they provide for, care for, and love each other by the grace and through G-d.
a simple example here would be sally and joe are married. joe has just been laid off, and has heard G-d calling him to move to a different state. sally, however, does not want to move; she's fond of this state for whatever reason(s)- friends, food, history, nostalgia, whatever. instead of praying and listening for G-d's will (she should be praying with her husband through this) she instead starts an argument, becomes defensive, etc.
this is a prime example of NOT submitting in the biblical context.
submission also largely depends on her husband, as well (women of the L-rd: don't yoke yourself to someone you wouldn't trust to submit to!). for instance, i personally would be pretty conservative in my requests of my wife. more on that later, though.
interestingly/alternatively, this had a lot of defenses of a more traditional viewpoint, all of which i felt were at the very least definitely important things to think about. i may not agree with all of the defenses, but it definitely provides a lot of good reasons why a more traditional stance is valid.
i know of at least one person who reads this in a Christ-centered marriage and i'd really love to get her comments on the whole topic of submission, so keep an eye out in the comments section on that.
HUSBANDS
"25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[c] 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
Ephesians 5:25-33
whew! and you thought the women had it rough with submission!
the main thing here, i think, is that Christ gave EVERYTHING for His Church (that's Church, not church- as in the community of believers, not the building/denomination). husbands, if you aren't prepared for that sacrifice for your wives, well... you're in trouble. :) it's important for husbands to define roles, and most of all to be creative with new ways on how to bring the family together both to each other and to G-d.
i think of it this way- the husbands are the heads, and the wives are the shoulders/neck. the heads NEED the shoulders/neck for support and a base- a head without shoulders or a neck is really not much to brag about. likewise, with no head the shoulders/neck have no direction and doesn't know which way to turn the body. i really feel that analogy sums up what i'm attempting to explain and failing miserably at.
it warns husbands to love and cherish and be prepared to sacrifice for your wives, i think that has a direct result on the types of requests and expectations you'd make of your wife.
i think i can really sum up the requests of my wife's submission in a couple basic things:
1. love the L-rd our G-d before me. always.
2. love no other (hu)man before me/no infidelity (well, if we had children, that'd be a bit of a grey area obviously. ;) it's definitely a different kind of love and a very important kind of love, so that kind of disqualifies itself from this one)
3. equal involvement in chores/children/each other etc.
4. if you doubt, pray with me and talk it through. i vow to listen to your concerns, and you must vow to listen to my concerns.
that's really pretty much all there is to what i'd ask my wife to submit to. not really that big a deal, pretty standard i'd think.
it is now 0630, i'm exhausted, and i was supposed to have this posted days ago. so i'm drawing it to a close here and super-hoping for discussion to continue in the comments section.
peace, love, joy, and wisdom in your life eem yirtze Hashem.
baruch Hashem; amen.
[a] Ephesians 5:5 Or kingdom of the Christ and God
[b] Ephesians 5:26 Or having cleansed
[c] Ephesians 5:31 Gen. 2:24
[1] hebrew, "Jesus Christ"- Christ is, contrary to popular belief, NOT a last name but rather a title. from the greek Khristos, literally meaning "the Anointed One", it means Saviour. the hebrew word for Saviour is Moshiach- "Messiah".
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