"words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm"

[ "Enjoy the Silence" - Depeche Mode ]

i can't sleep, so i'm going to share some stuff that's keeping me awake and hopefully i'll get some feedback.

-does G-d have one person for every person, or is it a matter of pairing based on desire for Him and compatibility?
(for what it's worth, i don't think there is one person; i'm generally not an adherent to the whole pre-ordination concept. plus there's a couple mathematical issues if you work things out in terms of likely matches to chances of meeting them, etc. etc.)

-is it wrong for woman to break the taboo of pursuit and do the pursuing themselves (even a little)? even in spite of fear?
(nah, why the hell not? the book of Ruth is a pretty big testament to pursuit of a husband in spite of your own personal fears; naomi encouraged ruth to seek boaz's heart- granted, this was partly due to security/lineage/heritage reasons, but i refuse to believe that's the only nor the main reason... ruth was, however, probably pissing her pants at this. sadly the book does not tell us much of what was on her heart, but let me paint the picture for you: she could lose the only source of livelihood she had for herself and naomi and risk literally everything she had upon asking boaz to be her kinsman-redeemer. boaz was in awe of her grace and love of Hashem, however, and of course consented to her request.)

-wtf am i going to do with my life? wtf is going on in it now?

-why can't i really just let go? is it because i'm not supposed to? furthermore, why do i feel a sense of conviction for DESIRING to let it go?

-really glad i'm not as hooked on kreteks as i thought; i haven't had one for something like four days and i don't THINK i'm ornery or anything so that's a good sign.

-reeeally need to clean my apartment. like whoa.

-need to get more lightbulbs.

-should i even bother making a new portfolio? submitting any work to UD again? who knows

-insomnia sucks

-G-d is so good, and i am weak and wicked.

-glad that people like the "bomb jackets" i make (as hannah calls them)

-chunks of flesh falling off your fingertips == not fun

-itchy fingertips == not fun

-at least my dr. bronners soaps came!

-should really try to get to sleep while i feel sleepy... finally.

goodnight.

pray for anyone you know with insomnia/overactive minds. having no "off" switch bites super hard sometimes.