quick update

getting over my sickness. i think i'm there! i'm still coughing up some stuff (ew) but i feel better. now i can get back to sewing and blogging important and worthwhile things, hehe.

i talked with my boss, let him know i'll be moving to nola in a year-ish and he's totally cool with me telecommuting. that is AWESOME! not only will i have a job when i get down there (i just need internet access and i'm good, hehe) and be able to bring money into the House, but i'll be able to work actually FROM the House so someone can be there during the day and stuff in case we get daytime visitors and a homeless citizen wants to stop by for lunch or conversation or what have you (assuming there's internet at the House). still not sure what nik has in mind for the House but it'd be great if it had a rather open-door policy of sorts with people on vigil, available for prayer, etc. this is like, a double-blessing that's just plain awesome.

i've been sleeping okay too. i mean i've been getting to bed kinda late (what ELSE is new?) but baruch Hashem i'm really just absorbing all the sleep i get and i feel pretty good.

G-d is so good. SO GOOD!

"and the telephone wires that carry the sound stretch 'cross the sky and under the ground"

[ "Telephone Wires" - Mirah ]

AHHHH BARUCH HASHEM! GOOD NEWS!
(jeez. no wonder i never finish the blog entries i want to write; i keep blogging other things. hehe. yay procrastination!)

nik just called me (well, she actually called me a bit earlier but i missed the call because i was outside.. called her back, left a voicemail, then she called me back. hehe) with some AWESOME news.

someone in TN had his heart spoken to about a community house in new orleans and he googled and the first hit was her blog- specifically, this entry (which, as you can see, was only posted on the 23rd!) and they got in touch and it looks like he's gonna be there too! he's got some experience with community living too (10-16 people in his house), so it'd be AWESOME to have that sort of wisdom and experience in the House. she was invited to the place he's at now and is gonna get some info on starting, maintaining, etc.

it's just really great affirmation and a blessing! it's so beautiful to see it coming together. this has been on her heart for a while and (as my mom mentioned to me when i said i was called to NOLA and will be moving there, and eem yirtze Hashem involved with/living in this community) something that i was "born to do" (it's pretty weird to hear your own mom say that about something that most of the world would consider crazy and a dead-end, but G-d is good. if the world doesn't think you're crazy, you're probably not radical enough- never hold back!) so this is just turning into this huge.. Nexus of Blessing.

we are a karass, and we are discovering our wampeter.
busy, busy, busy... [1]


words cannot convey the beauty of this. i feel as if i'm standing in the hatch to a space shuttle, about to step onto the moon. there is wonderment, awe, excitement, a feeling of cohesiveness... all so new and fresh and beautiful.

it's also a bit scary, but who needs the wrang-wrang's foma?


walk in peace, brothers, sisters, and friends alike.




[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bokononism if you've not read Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle, DO SO NOW. bokononism is a made-up religion for his book, but it has some great terminology- especially for things that are happening in my life and in the lives of those around me as of late

"there was a child who was born to be the one who comforts me; who grew up strong and brave and holy, loves me rough and tenderly"

[ "Promise to Me" - Mirah ]

mmmm. such a good song.

so i'm still working on a pretty big entry on prayer.. i've been under the weather as of late (i rarely ever get sick- literally, maybe once a year but when i do it really tends to kick my ass).
but baruch Hashem! glory be, i'm getting better. slowly, but surely. (i usually opt for a natural-heal route- you obviously need to be more patient but i believe it's worth it)


was pretty shaken up yesterday. one of the clients (can't release names or domain urls or anything in case it gets taken to court. doubtful, since there's not a lot of legal evidence- see below) got suspended because we got a notice from our colo/datacenter (off-site server farm, has better cooling/humidity control/etc. for storing the hardware) about child porn. the thing's still under internal investigation so i can't say a WHOLE lot.

so anyways, i have to follow up with these notices- check them over, make sure they're valid, etc. and i've read the laws on it- no sexual acts depicted, no nudity (characterized in the legal sense as display of gentialia- and breasts, too, i think). and then the standard stuff- no bestiality, etc.

well, these photos weren't porn in the legal sense- but trust me. they were porn. when there's a photo of a girl ("models" the website calls them) OBVIOUSLY under 18 (without QUESTION. and i usually think people are older than they really are) dressed in skimpy/revealing clothing, reclining seductively and acting coy, and this site sells mysterious DVD's... yep, to me that's child porn. hi, exploitation.

so as of now he's still suspended (meaning the server is shut down and locked, and the websites don't work) and pending review by upstream. i think at the LEAST he'll get booted because we've had numerous issues with him over the years. so even though he won't get taken to court (see now why i have no faith in our judicial system?) or anything, we'll probably at least drop him.

i hope so; i really want to have no part in contributing to that.

please pray for:
-the girls: that they have healing and seek more fulfilling and less dangerous pursuits for fulfilling the desire to be loved
-their families: that they learn of what's going on and pursue legal action (since the girls are minors, it'd be VERY easy to make this a civil case and win it instead of make it a federal/state case and lose it), and they heal
-me: i don't ever want to have to be confronted with something like that again, ever. it's like watching someone get shot in the face; i literally felt ill. peace has come to me since, but that doesn't mean i'm "over" it or want to have to confront it again.
-the company: that we act responsibly and can his ass. at the very least lock his account and ban him.
-him: we are called to forgive, no matter what. while i think it's horrible what he did/does, that doesn't mean i don't want him (and HIS "clientele") to be healed of their darkness. please pray He's shown truth and has his heart softened to what he's doing to these girls and their families.

thank you all; Y'shua bless you.

"sing me to sleep; i don't want to wake up on my own anymore"

[ "Asleep" - the Smiths ]

been sleeping all sorts of strangely lately. i'll sleep fine, normal-people hours one night- like, 2300-0700 or so- and then the next i'll sleep from 0500-1300 or something.

however, lately i think the odd hours are attributed to my having some sort of bug (coughing a lot, head/sinus pressure, stuffy nose, no fever or anything though), which is keeping me up all night. plus my mind's been buzzing around a fair bit and my heart is not at total peace so that's probably part of it.

there are some days for me (how about you?) where i just want to give up. i just want to stay in bed and sort of melt into a quiet nonexistance, a sort of passive state of being.

buddhism would call it nirvana.
i call it a bunch of lazy bullshit.

we are not called to be creatures of comfort, of nothingness, of passive being! we are called to be active in the lives of others. we are called to be defenders of love, truth, peace, the weak, the downtrodden, the ugly, the scorned, the hated... we are called to love the haters, the oppressors, the sinners in spite of their sins for Christ did the same for us.

so that's why i'm taking the time to update- because i can't let my feeling miserable get in the way of sharing the love i have been given by my L-rd G-d and saviour Y'shua Moshiach. so i have some more writing to do. :)

"words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm"

[ "Enjoy the Silence" - Depeche Mode ]

i can't sleep, so i'm going to share some stuff that's keeping me awake and hopefully i'll get some feedback.

-does G-d have one person for every person, or is it a matter of pairing based on desire for Him and compatibility?
(for what it's worth, i don't think there is one person; i'm generally not an adherent to the whole pre-ordination concept. plus there's a couple mathematical issues if you work things out in terms of likely matches to chances of meeting them, etc. etc.)

-is it wrong for woman to break the taboo of pursuit and do the pursuing themselves (even a little)? even in spite of fear?
(nah, why the hell not? the book of Ruth is a pretty big testament to pursuit of a husband in spite of your own personal fears; naomi encouraged ruth to seek boaz's heart- granted, this was partly due to security/lineage/heritage reasons, but i refuse to believe that's the only nor the main reason... ruth was, however, probably pissing her pants at this. sadly the book does not tell us much of what was on her heart, but let me paint the picture for you: she could lose the only source of livelihood she had for herself and naomi and risk literally everything she had upon asking boaz to be her kinsman-redeemer. boaz was in awe of her grace and love of Hashem, however, and of course consented to her request.)

-wtf am i going to do with my life? wtf is going on in it now?

-why can't i really just let go? is it because i'm not supposed to? furthermore, why do i feel a sense of conviction for DESIRING to let it go?

-really glad i'm not as hooked on kreteks as i thought; i haven't had one for something like four days and i don't THINK i'm ornery or anything so that's a good sign.

-reeeally need to clean my apartment. like whoa.

-need to get more lightbulbs.

-should i even bother making a new portfolio? submitting any work to UD again? who knows

-insomnia sucks

-G-d is so good, and i am weak and wicked.

-glad that people like the "bomb jackets" i make (as hannah calls them)

-chunks of flesh falling off your fingertips == not fun

-itchy fingertips == not fun

-at least my dr. bronners soaps came!

-should really try to get to sleep while i feel sleepy... finally.

goodnight.

pray for anyone you know with insomnia/overactive minds. having no "off" switch bites super hard sometimes.

"if you need a friend, don't look to a stranger; you know in the end i'll always be there"

[ "The Promise" - When in Rome ]

baruch Hashem.

that's all. :) too many little things buzzing around! i've been very busy with sewing (SO much, in fact, that i re-discovered my addiction/obsession to it! i even set aside a little blog to showcase/talk about projects: seamstress with a penis. it's a bit of an inside joke from a family get together over the holidays, but it's a plenty fun title i think and not meant to cause any offense. will post more once people receive the gifts i'm working on for them :) so keep an eye on that for upcoming stuff.

here's my blogging to-do; someone keep me accountable:

-i need to do an entry on how i approach and break down scripture (preferrably with an example chapter/selection. any suggestions? Col. 3)
-i need to finish and post those pieces i've got scrapped away in my notes done for now!
-i'd like to do a general introduction to prayer- "how" people pray, what to pray about, why we pray, etc.

and i know if i don't jot them down here, i'll forget to write them. :)

"...if rain won't change your mind, let it fall. the rain won't change my heart at all..."

["It's Only Time" - The Magnetic Fields]

so i just got back from a trip to NOLA (new orleans, la).

highlights of the trip include eating rabbit & sausage jambalaya, missing a ferry ride (was closed) but catching a BEAUTIFUL sunset instead (the moon looked absolutely HUGE) and listening to a man talk about the Blues, sitting and reading Isaiah and praying while smoking my pipe in the park in BEAUTIFUL weather, a possibly brain-damaged kitten which was the cutest most snuggleable thing in the world, a roller derby match (!!!), jackson square, the french quarter, the freret st. market (freretstivus!), a kitschy but still cute holiday... thing, got to go to church (FINALLY! been too long since that happened), ahhh so much. so good!

but above and beyond all, and the entire reason i went down there, i met my penpal (and deep friend) of ten years, nikki.

it was magical. she's a lovely friend and incredibly charming, witty, intelligent, an incredible writer, absolutely beautiful, and most importantly she adores Jesus, our Christ. she has such a heart for those in need, it's an incredibly beautiful thing. we had lunch with her parents on sunday, and they were absolutely captivating. they're good people, they raised a wonderful daughter. she and they should be proud of this (although, all good in us is from G-d, so they can't take TOO much credit :).

i also met very interesting people- jac, whom i've known allllmost as long as i have nik.. and karrie, who reminds me of some sort of comic book superhero despite her tiny stature, matt and jen (whom i am incredibly indebted to, as they let me use their apartment-esque third floor to stay in while i was down there). there are many others, but that's just a testament to the strange nexus of wonderful happenings that occur in NOLA.

i fell in love with that city; moving down there is now somewhere in my five-year plan.

it felt for the first time in a very long while (maybe even my entire life) as if i were finally home.

"...every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end..."

["Closing Time" - Semisonic.... wow, i'm really showing my age]

so i decided to start using blogger/blogspot. i'm hopping on the bandwagon, onoes!

that's a shame; i really liked my wordpress because of all the plug-ins. PLUS they have an OSS'd (i think) engine behind it. i think i'll use that blog for linux-y things considering there's plenty of that going on in my life. har.

ANYWAYS.

just wanted this here as a placeholder. i've been thinking a bit and have some ideas for entries i'd really like to write.