"sing me to sleep; i don't want to wake up on my own anymore"

[ "Asleep" - the Smiths ]

been sleeping all sorts of strangely lately. i'll sleep fine, normal-people hours one night- like, 2300-0700 or so- and then the next i'll sleep from 0500-1300 or something.

however, lately i think the odd hours are attributed to my having some sort of bug (coughing a lot, head/sinus pressure, stuffy nose, no fever or anything though), which is keeping me up all night. plus my mind's been buzzing around a fair bit and my heart is not at total peace so that's probably part of it.

there are some days for me (how about you?) where i just want to give up. i just want to stay in bed and sort of melt into a quiet nonexistance, a sort of passive state of being.

buddhism would call it nirvana.
i call it a bunch of lazy bullshit.

we are not called to be creatures of comfort, of nothingness, of passive being! we are called to be active in the lives of others. we are called to be defenders of love, truth, peace, the weak, the downtrodden, the ugly, the scorned, the hated... we are called to love the haters, the oppressors, the sinners in spite of their sins for Christ did the same for us.

so that's why i'm taking the time to update- because i can't let my feeling miserable get in the way of sharing the love i have been given by my L-rd G-d and saviour Y'shua Moshiach. so i have some more writing to do. :)