["Where's Your Head At?" - Basement Jaxx]
be peace, be love- be what you want from others.
it is in the strength the L-rd our G-d that we can do this.
pray for me when you get the chance. i'm in the middle of a five-day fast[1] and praying pretty heavily because there are a lot of exciting things going on in my life- i'm trying to move out of the apt by feb., and now that new orleans is a very real enticement to move to, i am greatly considering that. i'm praying for things to develop possibly into marriage, etc. eem yirtze Hashem[2]. all very wonderful and powerful and bizarre yet beautiful things that i pray to use to lift His will and to encourage and enrich the lives and love of the people around me.
it's a somewhat easy fast but i've a pretty intense metabolism; i'm starting to feel the effects of it- hunger, lust for food, slight weakness, slight light-headedness/distraction, and sacrifice (see last post).
in fasting (at least for me) it's never that difficult to not eat. your body hardly even notices after the first day. rather, it's smelling the food around you, seeing it, seeing others eat it and the temptation- people offering you food, and you almost embarrassingly confessing you can't eat (it does open great doors to dialogue with people though). or even worse, those getting angry because you're not eating. the first time i fasted for thanksgiving..three? years ago now, i think- and sat at the table with the rest of my relatives with the feast spread out in front of me, my eyes as wide as the empty plate in front of me and salivating enough to fill my glass of water to the left.. some family members joked about it- perhaps mockingly, perhaps just out of fun- and that's one of the hardest parts. you start to wonder "why am i doing this? just a little food couldn't hurt..." but something stops you (if you've been embracing the enhanced awareness that the fast brings)- you remember you're giving a sacrifice. you are burning one of your most prized lambs at the altar so you may kiss the feet of G-d and praise Him, and thank Him for all you have, and all He wants for you.
there's a bit of a taboo against talking about fasting and the experiences you're having. i think that's largely due to an overzealous interpretation of Matthew 6:16-18 (NIV)...
16"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 17But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
but let's examine this. it doesn't say "don't talk about fasting" or "don't share your experience" (after all, others will not be able to care for you properly if that were the case). rather, it's referring to the nasty habit some pharisees would have of tearing their clothes, putting chalk on their faces, etc. when they fasted- and they would fast two days a week- in a desire for religious appearances and for the sake of religion, not to actually commune with the L-rd. you can read more info on that in the first link below.
if you're interested in fasting, i invite you to look around on the web. in particular, there's some good info here and here.
RELIGION DESTROYS;
CHRIST SAVES.
[1] day three. it's not a "dry" fast though- drinking liquids, and it ends at 2300 and begins again at 0400 each day. closer to jewish fasting a la passover (normally sun-up to sun-down) but i extended it because it's winter here in the northeast US, and the days are super short.
[2] "G-d willing", hebrew. literally, "the will of The Name"- it's considered disrespectful amongst some jewish circles to write, say, refer to, etc. any of G-d's true names. which is why you'll see me say "gods" if i'm talking about, say, greek mythology but "G-d" if i am talking about the one true god, the G-d of Yisro'el, of Abraham, etc. you'll notice me use a fair bit of hebrew and greek, but that's because i just plain love the languages and sometimes, something is best said in hebrew.
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a lot of people probably in that time would fast and show it off to feel holier than those around them. I think if you fast humbly and either keep it to yourself or are careful in who you tell or how you express your fasting to is fine. My mom fasts often and she doesn't tell anyone, but since I've known her so long I KNOW when she is fasting, and so when I ask her, she'll tell me she is, but not the reason why, and I think that is good because it is between her and God.
ReplyDeleteAnyway I hope your fast goes well. I didn't realize at first, when I commented on your facebook status, that you were fasting. I picked up on it when you said you couldn't. I suggest perhaps in the future using vitamins/iron pills to help you from being lightheaded!! anyway that's really great that you have been fasting. It is truly sad that anyone would mock you for doing something that You are obviously going to have a hard time with and that you are doing with deep reasons in your heart.
I've never fasted because of my anemia, but sometimes I think there are other ways of fasting without fasting food . . so I sacrifice something that gets a lot of attention (say a day without computer). The youth group I help lead is doing a fasting thing in the spring but I won't be able to participate because I will be nursing an infant and need to eat in order to provide nutrients for him. I'm kinda sad about that because it's a fast for causes that I believe highly in.
anyway I enjoyed reading all you wrote.
victoria, you are ABSOLUTELY right- you can "fast" from things other than food. and i'm absolutely sure G-d understands why you can't fast from food!
ReplyDeletethanks for the hot tip about the vitamins! i'll have to think about them next time. at the very least i should be drinking more juice during this fast. i got a lot of sleep last night though, and that helped too.
I have issues with fasting...more like a personal, constant wrestling match. I see so much precedence for it in the Bible (I mean, Jesus fasted for crying out loud), but I still have a really hard time seeing it as anything but tit-for-tat with God (is that a New Orleans expression?? it's like "quid pro quo").
ReplyDeleteI mean, I know what it's supposed to be and what it's supposed to do, but it still feels so works-based. Like I'm earning my prayer request or my closeness with God. And I have a hard enough time trying to shut down that mentality on my own.
Plus, there's the whole food thing, which is a n entirely separate issue. I don't exactly have the healthiest relationship with food, so that can easily cloud the motives of a fast for me.
All that being said, I still totally support fasting and have seen firsthand that God honors it, so I've chalked it up for now as one of God's mysteries that I don't understand yet. Hope it went well for you...maybe I'll give it another try sometime soon. Ring in the new year right. =)
excellent concerns, nik!
ReplyDeleteit's not really a works-based thing; rather, it's more of a sacrifice- just as offering can somewhat be a sacrifice (you are giving to G-d money from your wages, and yet with all sources of sacrificing, it's something you only have by the grace of G-d).
the first link about fasting i shared, http://www.new-life.net/fasting.htm, the "What Biblical Fasting Is" section has a really good answer to those questions:
"But what does this 'not eating' food mean? Why did people in the Bible 'not eat?' We find a clue in Leviticus 16:29. This verse says that fasting is synonymous with 'afflicting one's soul.' We gain some insight here about how the Hebrews viewed fasting. Fasting is more than just 'afflicting one's body'. It is 'afflicting one's soul.' In other words, fasting in the Hebrew mind is something my soul participates in. Fasting is denying my self. It is denying not only my own body, but also my own wants. It is a way of saying that food and my desires are secondary to something else. Fasting is 'afflicting one's soul' -- an act of self-denial. But it is not only an act of self-denial and here is where the monks and hermits went wrong..." (it then goes on to explain the importance and integration of prayer into fasting)
also, dang it. i forgot to include the second link. i'll edit the entry, but you'll want to check out http://www.gotquestions.org/fasting-Christian.html
however, i enjoy food. a lot. :) i've never had an issue with NOT wanting to eat food. if this is something you (or anyone else) struggle with (if i'm understanding you correctly) at this point in your walk then i'd invite you to find some other way of "praying through action"- my walking barefoot, when i did it constantly, was a way of doing that. it allowed me to experience G-d's creation of soft carpet of dirt and man's rough asphalt, and broken glass (careful of it, by the way, until callouses are thick enough to withstand it- i've spent an accumulated about 3 hours digging glass out of my feet with rubbing alcohol, hydrogen peroxide, a jacknife, and plenty of paper towels from glass). it lets you appreciate what G-d desires from us in an almost subconscious way.
and beyond walking barefoot, there are a lot of other "action prayers; fasting doesn't have to be with just food (well, okay. from a literal standpoint it does, i suppose, but you get my meaning). you can fast from any mechanical-assisted mode of transportation for a week- bike included (i.e. walk. everywhere. if you can't walk to it, you aren't getting there). you can fast from technology, etc.
obviously there are still exceptions- you oughtn't fast if you're hypoglycemic, you can break a driving fast if you need to drive someone to the ER, etc.
one final note- you mentioned about "earning your closeness with G-d". you ARE! but it's not by works; rather, it's a simple side-effect of being in such a fragile state and relying on G-d, and being in increased communication with Him.
you challenge me to explain the deeper meaning of it, though. i like that; keep doing that.